Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
