I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
