Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
