i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
