Who wears a wallet chain?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
