dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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