who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
