So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
