My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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