everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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