who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
