i just wanna soil my oats bro
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
