So drunk its hurt
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
