my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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