what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
