Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
