I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
