just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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