why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
