Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
