Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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