Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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