worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
