i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
