"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We just shotgunned beers for America
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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