Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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