And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
