is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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