babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
