Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
