you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
