C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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