I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
