And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
