He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My cat gives me a boner
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
