babies were throwing up all over the place
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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