Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
