The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
