you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
