There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
