Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My penis needs a shock collar
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
