Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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