u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
