So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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