Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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