Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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