I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
