I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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