They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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