If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
