I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
